An American's Response to Ahamadinnerjacket's Open Letter

Since this waste of skin had the audacity to address me directly with this nonsense, I felt it appropriate to give him my response as an American—through the magic of interlination.

Message of H.E. Dr. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
If he is deserving of the honorific "Dr.", then my J.D. and LL.M. should entitle me to pompously refer to myself as "Dr." also.

President of the Islamic Republic of Iran
Proof of what happens when no real competition is allowed.

To the American PeopleIn the name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful
Whose mercy is demonstrated by the fact that you are still sucking oxygen instead of gracing the pavement as a scorchmark remnant from a well-placed lightning strike.

O, Almighty God, bestow upon humanity the perfect human being promised to all by You, and make us among his followers.
I’m sure you’re mistaken about that, Ahamadinnerjacket. God never directed his followers to pray to a rock and kill infidels.

Noble Americans,
Were we not faced with the activities of the US administration in this part of the world and the negative ramifications of those activities on the daily lives of our peoples, coupled with the many wars and calamities caused by the US administration as well as the tragic consequences of US interference in other countries?
I see the question mark, but is there a question in that mess?

Were the American people not God-fearing, truth loving, and justice seeking, while the US administration actively conceals the truth and impedes any objective portrayal of current realities;
Don’t talk to me about concealing truth and impeding objective portrayal of current events, you taquiya following, uranium enriching, piss poor excuse for a human being.

And if we did not share a common responsibility to promote and protect freedom and human dignity and integrity;
There are liars, and obviously DAMN liars. You have as much respect for human dignity as I have for you, that is to say none at all.

Then, there would have been little urgency to have a dialogue with you.
Writing a letter isn’t a dialogue. You wouldn’t last five minutes in a dialogue, simpleton.

While Divine providence has placed Iran and the United States geographically far apart, we should be cognizant that human values and our common human spirit, which proclaim the dignity and exalted worth of all human beings,
Which is one of the reasons we have been the world’s beat cop for years, whether you like it or not.

have brought our two great nations of Iran and the United States closer together.
You’d have a long way to travel to reach "adequate", Chief. Proclaiming yourself "great" is letting your reach exceed your grasp, and obtaining nukes wouldn’t confer it on you either. The Soviets were miles ahead of you, yet were never more than a second-rate power with a big club.

Both our nations are God-fearing, truth loving and justice seeking, and both seek dignity, respect and perfection.
The United States and America? You can’t mean Iran.

Both greatly value and readily embrace the promotion of human ideals such as compassion, empathy, respect for the rights of human beings, securing justice and equity, and defending the innocent and the weak against oppressors and bullies.
I’m sure that would come as a surprise to the Iraqi war dead from your own recent eight year long conflict with them.

We are all inclined towards the good, and towards extending a helping hand to one another, particularly to those in need.
See above.

We all deplore injustice, the trampling of peoples' rights and the intimidation and humiliation of human beings.
Unless your psychopathic imams declare us to be an infidel and issue a fatwa for our death, or we draw an unflattering depiction of your murderous, pedophile prophet. Then intimidation, and all bad behavior that can follow becomes ok.

We all detest darkness, deceit, lies and distortion, and seek and admire salvation, enlightenment, sincerity and honesty.
If that were true, you’d drop to your knees, beg for God’s forgiveness, and renounce Islam.

The pure human essence of the two great nations of Iran and the United States testify to the veracity of these statements.
No, but our continued existence after your nation is reduced to a radioactive cinder will be a testimony to our greatness.

Noble Americans,
Our nation has always extended its hand of friendship to all other nations of the world.
Except for when you stormed our embassy, and involved yourselves in a protracted war with Iraq.

Hundreds of thousands of my Iranian compatriots are living amongst you in friendship and peace,
Yes. I went to law school with one. However, he was also a jew, and didn’t say nice things about your detestable regime.

and are contributing positively to your society. Our people have been in contact with you over the past many years
Are you that so-in-so who keeps calling and hanging up when I answer? Knock it off already.

and have maintained these contacts despite the unnecessary restrictions of US authorities.
You must have confused your government with mine. I’m sure you speak to your operatives from CAIR on a regular basis.

As mentioned, we have common concerns, face similar challenges, and are pained by the sufferings and afflictions in the world.
Uhhh, yeah, riiiiigght, except for the ones you cause or contribute to.

We, like you, are aggrieved by the ever-worsening pain and misery of the Palestinian people.
They can end it. They can quit being murderous asshats bound and determined to kill any jew they can siddle up next to before detonating themselves.

Persistent aggressions by the Zionists are making life more and more difficult for the rightful owners of the land of Palestine. In broad daylight, in front of cameras and before the eyes of the world, they are bombarding innocent defenseless civilians, bulldozing houses, firing machine guns at students in the streets and alleys, and subjecting their families to endless grief.No day goes by without a new crime.
Probably not, but since the Israelis have done a better job isolating these killers, the instances of their children being blown into little bloody bits have been dramatically decreased.

Palestinian mothers, just like Iranian and American mothers, love their children, and are painfully bereaved by the imprisonment, wounding and murder of their children. What mother wouldn't?
Of course, they couldn’t seem to successfully teach them to do something other than walk into crowds of civilians and blow themselves up. You reap what you sow.

For 60 years, the Zionist regime has driven millions of the inhabitants of Palestine out of their homes. Many of these refugees have died in the Diaspora and in refugee camps.
Yeah, the prospect of a horrible death at their hands encourages any thinking person to ostracize them like the animals they are.

Their children have spent their youth in these camps and are aging while still in the hope of returning to homeland.
So they too can blow themselves up and kill civilians.

You know well that the US administration has persistently provided blind and blanket support to the Zionist regime, has emboldened it to continue its crimes, and has prevented the UN Security Council from condemning it.
If that were true, ding-a-ling, we wouldn’t have had to take Sodamn out. The Israelis would have done that after the second SCUD violated their airspace in the first gulf war.

Who can deny such broken promises and grave injustices towards humanity by the US administration?
As opposed to the peace-loving acolytes of Islam.

Governments are there to serve their own people. No people wants to side with or support any oppressors. But regrettably, the US administration disregards even its own public opinion and remains in the forefront of supporting the trampling of the rights of the Palestinian people.
Assuming that the drivel reported as news in our media represents the average American’s opinion would be a mistake. Most of us are simply not that stupid.

Let's take a look at Iraq . Since the commencement of the US military presence in Iraq , hundreds of thousands of Iraqis have been killed, maimed or displaced.
Many by their own people, or adventurers from other Islamic nations.

Terrorism in Iraq has grown exponentially. With the presence of the US military in Iraq , nothing has been done to rebuild the ruins, to restore the infrastructure or to alleviate poverty.
I call "Bullshit". We have people working on infrastructure, but other ‘persons’ in Iraq seem to be determined to destroy everything that our people have been building, as quickly as these things are built.

The US Government used the pretext of the existence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq , but later it became clear that that was just a lie and a deception.
Yeah, all those poison gas shells were just figments of our imaginations. Talk about an inconvenient truth.

Although Saddam was overthrown and people are happy about his departure, the pain and suffering of the Iraqi people has persisted and has even been aggravated.
So quit sending your people to f*** things up there, already.

In Iraq , about one hundred and fifty thousand American soldiers, separated from their families and loved ones, are operating under the command of the current US administration.
You mean those volunteers who believe in what they are doing?

A substantial number of them have been killed or wounded and their presence in Iraq has tarnished the image of the American people and government.
Sorry, I live in a military community. The only ‘tarnish’ here is only the aging hippies who keep trying to equate this to Vietnam.

Their mothers and relatives have, on numerous occasions, displayed their discontent with the presence of their sons and daughters in a land thousands of miles away from US shores.
Cindy Shehan is not a good representative sample. She disgraces her son and disrespects his choices every time she shoots her mouth off.

American soldiers often wonder why they have been sent to Iraq.
None that I’ve spoken with.

I consider it extremely unlikely that you, the American people, consent to the billions of dollars of annual expenditure from your treasury for this military misadventure.
If it means that you are confined to your sandy, hellish little corner of the planet, rather than spreading violence and mayhem here in mine, I consider it to be money well spent, peabrain.

Noble Americans,
You have heard that the US administration is kidnapping its presumed opponents from across the globe and arbitrarily holding them without trial or any international supervision in horrendous prisons that it has established in various parts of the world. God knows who these detainees actually are, and what terrible fate awaits them.
OOOOOO. Panties on their heads. Diets that allow them to gain weight. The opportunity to practice your insult of a religion unmolested. Air conditioning. Pu-leaze. I faced worse in Hell Week when rushing my college fraternity.

You have certainly heard the sad stories of the Guantanamo and Abu-Ghraib prisons.
Yeah, it s sad they get to continue robbing oxygen on my dollar, rather than being executed on the field of battle where they were captured.

The US administration attempts to justify them through its proclaimed "war on terror."
You haven’t been paying attention, junior. We’re Uncle. We don’t have to justify ourselves to 'the world'.

But every one knows that such behavior, in fact, offends global public opinion, exacerbates resentment and thereby spreads terrorism, and tarnishes the US image and its credibility among nations.
You mean like the countries that had vested financial interest in Sodamn’s regime, like much of Europe, or those that benefitted from bribes and kickbacks in the Oil for Food scam?

The US administration's illegal and immoral behavior is not even confined to outside its borders. You are witnessing daily that under the pretext of "the war on terror," civil liberties in the United States are being increasingly curtailed. Even the privacy of individuals is fast losing its meaning.
A debate is under way. However, your country’s record on civil liberties and privacy strip you of any qualification to comment on what occurs here, and the fact that you are squealing like a pig about it indicates to me that some of these measures are frustrating your clandestine activities here.

Judicial due process and fundamental rights are trampled upon. Private phones are tapped, suspects are arbitrarily arrested, sometimes beaten in the streets, or even shot to death.
I challenge you to name ten such occurrences.

I have no doubt that the American people do not approve of this behavior and indeed deplore it.
Which is why we have an annoying tendency to second-guess and question those we charge with enforcement of our nation’s laws. Something that would undoubtedly get us in a wealth of trouble in your nation. The very fact that such idiocy is spoken aloud in this country with no consequence other than ridicule is evidence of the superiority our laws and way of life.

The US administration does not accept accountability before any organization, institution or council.
No, it answers to the electorate, which is as it should be. Our government is chosen by and is responsible to us, and unlike your subjects, we the people can change our government if we do not like it.

The US administration has undermined the credibility of international organizations, particularly the United Nations and its Security Council.
No, the Useless Nitwits undermine their own credibility by choosing criminals such as Kofi Annan to head the organization and allow habitual abusers of human rights who do not even pretend to give lip service to the concept of human rights to sit on committees examining such things. Countries like China and Syria.

But, I do not intend to address all the challenges and calamities in this message.
Because it would buckle and collapse under the sheer weight of the hypocritical falderall you have insisted on filling it with.

The legitimacy, power and influence of a government do not emanate from its arsenals of tanks, fighter aircrafts, missiles or nuclear weapons. Legitimacy and influence reside in sound logic, quest for justice and compassion and empathy for all humanity.
But these things, coupled with free and fair elections, a concept completely foreign to your government, do confer legitimacy.

The global position of the United States is in all probability weakened because the administration has continued to resort to force, to conceal the truth, and to mislead the American people about its policies and practices.
No matter how much you insist on deflecting attention from the very real question "what does and oil-rich country, which has threatened a neighboring country with extinction, need a nuclear ‘energy’ program for anyway?", we will keep asking. To do otherwise would be a simple surrender of civilization and all it implies.

Undoubtedly, the American people are not satisfied with this behavior and they showed their discontent in the recent elections. I hope that in the wake of the mid-term elections, the administration of President Bush will have heard and will heed the message of the American people.
The elections went the way they did because the party in power refused to act like it, and so the people who put them there decided to vote with a perpetually disgruntled group within our nation. Two years won’t be enough time for the Dhimicrats to completely abdicate our nation from the halls of reason and responsibility, and it will allow conservatives to find and support candidates who have clues and balls, and will act accordingly.

My questions are the following:Is there not a better approach to governance?
I believe that is the message I have been suggesting to you.

Is it not possible to put wealth and power in the service of peace, stability, prosperity and the happiness of all peoples through a commitment to justice and respect for the rights of all nations, instead of aggression and war?
Which you will undoubtedly commit yourself to after your exterminate those evil jews and we infidels here in the western world who remain steadfastly unconvinced by your feeble attempts at persuasion. After all, we have seen the outpouring of compassion and aid in the middle east’s response to the tsunamis in Indonesia and earthquakes in Pakistan. No, wait, that was us. You all were too busy whiling away on your nuclear ‘energy’ program to give and significant aid and comfort to your Muslim bretheren, so WE had to do it. You really make this too damn easy.

We all condemn terrorism, because its victims are the innocent.
Unless of course, they are Israelis, or Americans kidnapped in Iraq. Then our vocal support or deafening silence are both apparent to anyone paying attention.

But, can terrorism be contained and eradicated through war, destruction and the killing of hundreds of thousands of innocents?
Eradicated? No. Stupidity is the world’s greatest renewable resource. Contained? Yes. Proof? How many attacks have taken place on American soil after we decided to take the fight to the terrorists?

If that were possible, then why has the problem not been resolved?
See above.

The sad experience of invading Iraq is before us all.
Sad that we still have not let our troops take the gloves off and completely flatten regions such as the Sunni triangle, making life there so awful that going back to nations such as your particular hell hole more appealing than fighting us in Iraq.

What has blind support for the Zionists by the US administration brought for the American people?
It isn’t BLIND support, as I said before, but if it got us no more than your persistent temper tantrum which shows the world your unfitness to be a world leader, it would be enough.

It is regrettable that for the US administration, the interests of these occupiers supersedes the interests of the American people and of the other nations of the world.

Nations such as yourself, who continually pledge to eradicate Israel. Your hypocrisy is astounding. Anyone else in your position would have choked to death on the irony by now.

What have the Zionists done for the American people that the US administration considers itself obliged to blindly support these infamous aggressors? Is it not because they have imposed themselves on a substantial portion of the banking, financial, cultural and media sectors?
You really need to get out more. I think you actually believe what you are saying.

I recommend that in a demonstration of respect for the American people and for humanity, the right of Palestinians to live in their own homeland should be recognized so that millions of Palestinian refugees can return to their homes and the future of all of Palestine and its form of government be determined in a referendum. This will benefit everyone.
Perhaps you weren’t paying attention. When the Israelis gave back Gaza, they left behind infrastructure that could have been used to provide necessities and niceties for the Palestinians who succeeded them. These noble people proceeded to destroy and demolish everything abandoned to them and still cry out for Jewish blood. If they want to act like savages, they need to expect to be treated like savages.

Now that Iraq has a Constitution and an independent Assembly and Government, would it not be more beneficial to bring the US officers and soldiers home, and to spend the astronomical US military expenditures in Iraq for the welfare and prosperity of the American people?
As soon as we know that the government elected by the Iraqi people is strong enough to resist the influences and actions of foreign governments such as yours which have a vested interest causing the failure of their chance at true democracy and a way to radically change all middle eastern politics for the better.

As you know very well, many victims of Katrina continue to suffer, and countless Americans continue to live in poverty and homelessness.
Katrina: the focal point for divisive, race-baiting politics which is considered acceptable because the race-baiters are black. Mississippi suffered considerably, and yet there is no whining there. Poverty and homelessness have as much of a root cause in mental illness as in choice and laziness as well as any fundamental unfairnessin our system.

I'd also like to say a word to the winners of the recent elections in the US :
Who will undoubtedly hang on every word, if only to show how nuanced they are.

The United States has had many administrations; some who have left a positive legacy, and others that are neither remembered fondly by the American people nor by other nations.Now that you control an important branch of the US Government, you will also be held to account by the people and by history.
Yeah, history pulls a lot of people out of their beds and says "You idiot. You could have prevented _______!" As for being accountable to the people, that has always been true. They’re called ELECTIONS.

If the US Government meets the current domestic and external challenges with an approach based on truth and Justice, it can remedy some of the past afflictions and alleviate some of the global resentment and hatred of America .
Which is your nuanced way of saying "Retreat within your own borders, and let us set the world aflame with our madness so that when you are finally forced to act out of self-preservation, the cost will be too horrible for you to imagine. Sorry, I’m not buying what you are selling.
But if the approach remains the same, it would not be unexpected that the American people would similarly reject the new electoral winners, althoughthe recent elections, rather than reflecting a victory, in reality point to the failure of the current administration's policies.
Gee, how observant of you. Unfortunately, we are not talking about the same failed policies.

These issues had been extensively dealt with in my letter to President Bush earlier this year.
Are you talking about the one that he gave all the attention that it deserved?

To sum up:It is possible to govern based on an approach that is distinctly different from one of coercion, force and injustice.It is possible to sincerely serve and promote common human values, and honesty and compassion.It is possible to provide welfare and prosperity without tension, threats, imposition or war.
Unfortunately, people such as yourself choose to come along and muck everything up, so it will never happen.

It is possible to lead the world towards the aspired perfection by adhering to unity, monotheism, morality and spirituality and drawing upon the teachings of the Divine Prophets.
Only if we, in a moment of weakness that would be truly deserving of the damnation that such an act would visit on us decide to reject God and join you in your delusional belief in the satanic utterances that you call a religion.

Then, the American people, who are God-fearing and followers of Divine religions, will overcome every difficulty.
When we have remembered who we are and acted with the resolve that only our nation has been able to muster in the last two centuries, we have not had any difficulty overcoming difficulties.

What I stated represents some of my anxieties and concerns.
Because you know if you keep acting like a petulant child, we will eventually take you to the woodshed, and give you the spanking you so richly deserve.

I am confident that you, the American people, will play an instrumental role in the establishment of justice and spirituality throughout the world.
As we always have, without your acknowledgment and approval.

The promises of the Almighty and His prophets will certainly be realized; Justice and Truth will prevail and all nations will live a true life in a climate replete with love, compassion and fraternity.
And it will, after Jesus returns, at which time the gravity of your mistakes will become apparent to you. And all your prayers to Allah will not save you from the fate you have chosen.

The US governing establishment, the authorities and the powerful should not choose irreversible paths.
When we have committed to terrible decisions, it has been the result of ill-considered actions of others, who under estimated our resolve and ability when they set in motion event that they were powerless to stop. Pearl Harbor comes to mind.

As all prophets have taught us, injustice and transgression will eventually bring about decline and demise. Today, the path of return to faith and spirituality is open and unimpeded.We should all heed the Divine Word of the Holy Qur'an:" But those who repent, have faith and do good may receive Salvation. Your Lord, alone, creates and chooses as He will, and others have no part in His choice; Glorified is God and Exalted above any partners they ascribe to Him. " (28:67-68)
Get behind thee, Satan. Your "religion" holds no legitimacy for me.
"Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. Do not add to his words, or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar." (Proverbs 21:5-6)

I pray to the Almighty to bless the Iranian and American nations and indeed all nations of the world with dignity and success.
One out of two ain’t bad.Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur,
Attorney, and Officer of the Court in the great state of Washington.

Mahmoud AhmadinejadPresident of the Islamic Republic of Iran29 November 2006

Now I can only hope one of his spies here leads him to read it.