Saturday, May 24, 2008

Communists See Red. No Pun Intended.

Indiana Jones makes Russian communists see red By Denis Pinchuk
Fri May 23, 4:21 PM ET

ST PETERSBURG, Russia (Reuters) - Russian Communist Party members condemned the new "Indiana Jones" film on Friday as crude, anti-Soviet propaganda that distorts history and called for it to be banned from Russian screens.

Not to be confused with the crude, anti-life Soviet Union, which crushed millions of Russians under the bootheel of Communism. Kinda hard to distort the record of one of the most evil regimes to ever hold an entire region of the world in its bloody grasp.

"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" stars Harrison Ford as an archaeologist in 1957 competing with an evil KGB agent, played by Cate Blanchett, to find a skull endowed with mystic powers.

Of course "evil KGB agent" is an oxymoron.

"What galls is how together with America we defeated Hitler, and how we sympathized when Bin Laden hit them. But they go ahead and scare kids with Communists. These people have no shame," said Viktor Perov, a Communist Party member in Russia's second city of St. Petersburg.

What galls me is a pathetic Russian Communist completely glossing over the scary history of communists, especially in his part of the world. What's worse is his flawed analysis. We make Soviet Communists villains. Domestic Communists get to be successful Democratic Party candidates for President. Go Figure.

The comments were made at a local Communist party meeting and posted on its Internet site

I'd like to hope that these meetings are a sorry assembly in some loser's Babushka's basement, but seeing as the Russian people have a centuries long proven track record of selecting shitty governments, this may actually be mainstream.

The film, the fourth in the hugely successful Indiana Jones series, went on release in Russian cinemas on Thursday. Russian media said it was being shown on 808 screens, the widest ever release for a Hollywood movie.

Damn that free market. Damn it I say!

In past episodes Indiana Jones has escaped from Nazi soldiers, an Egyptian snake pit, a Bedouin swordsman and a child-enslaving Indian demigod.

Thanks for explaining that to the two people in the world who have never seen the films.


"Harrison Ford and Cate Blanchett (are) second-rate actors, serving as the running dogs of the CIA. We need to deprive these people of the right of entering the country," said another party member, Andrei Gindos.

Buwaaahhahahahahahahahahahaha! Hollyweird actors working for the CIA? *snort* Hahhahahahahahahahaha! That gets my vote for the stupidest remark of the year.

Though the ranks of the once all-powerful Communist Party have dwindled since Soviet times, its members see themselves as the defenders of the achievements of the old Soviet Union.

Which achievements are we talking about? The slaughtering of thousands due to the fallacy of a planned economy tempered with a souless political ideology, or the bilking of an entire nation by a select few who understood the underlying premise of Animal Farm: Some are MORE equal then others.

Other communists said the generation born after the 1991 collapse of the Soviet Union were being fed revisionist, Hollywood history. They advocated banning the Indiana Jones outright to prevent "ideological sabotage."

And just like a phoenix, dangerous stupid rises from the ashes of history. It really is the long war, my friends.

"Our movie-goers are teenagers who are completely unaware of what happened in 1957," St Peterburg Communist Party chief Sergei Malinkovich told Reuters.

"They ought to be out driving their five-year plan tractors on the communes and working in the factories like good little proletariat. Movies are for high-ranking party apparatchiks like myself. Pass the v'da and caviar, comrade."

"They will go to the cinema and will be sure that in 1957 we made trouble for the United States and almost started a nuclear war."

Fer cryin out loud! Its a freakin movie, Sergei! You want to be offended by characterizations of the Soviets? I have a much better list for you. Jet Pilot. Hunt for the Red October. 13 Days. Spies Like Us.

"It's rubbish ... In 1957 the communists did not run with crystal skulls throughout the U.S. Why should we agree to that sort of lie and let the West trick our youth?"

I agree. Instead you were trying to infiltrate Hollywierd and the State Department.

Vladimir Mukhin, another member of the local Communist Party, said in comments posted on the Internet site that he would ask Russia's Culture Ministry to ban the film for its "anti-Soviet propaganda."

Of course, the very existence of a "culture ministry" underscores the Wrong direction Russia is already headed in. Here's a tip, Vlad. When you are scared of ideas and speech, your government isn't worth saving.

The "Indiana Jones" film is not the first Hollywood production to offend Russian sensibilities.

Yeah. I bet "Miracle" didn't play well, either.

In 1998 the Russian parliament demanded the government explain why the Hollywood film "Armageddon" - which depicted a dilapidated Russian space station that blows apart because of a leaky pipe -- was allowed onto Russian cinema screens.

Akin to Congressional hearings on steroids in baseball.

A government official at the time said the film, starring Bruce Willis as the leader of a team of astronauts sent to deflect an asteroid on a collision course with Earth, "mocked the achievements of Soviet and Russian technology."

Well, after you take away the originality, innovation, and superior quality of American technology, you're left with creaky, pale imitations that lend new meaning to the term "Soviet".

Get over it guys. Embrace the new world. It will benefit you far more than the old.