Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Emails...I get emails...

The Pacific Northwest According To Jeff Foxworthy:

1. You know the state flower (Mildew).

Yup. I have to powerwash a whole side of my house.

2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.

Only 'cause I grew up in a state where there was a deposit on the cans.

3. Use the statement "sun break" and know what it means.

I can vouch for it. I learned really quickly.

4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.

Only 10. Sounds like a coffee virgin.

5 You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.

I don't own any.

6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant or to

This took me a long time to get used to. I guess I've adapted. I wore shorts to church last Sunday.

7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "WALK"

Its true. Nobody jaywalks here. Nobody.

8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted,
it's Not a real mountain.

True. The other bumps are "foothills".

9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks and Tullys.

Um, yeah. Tully's tastes like coffee. Starbucks tastes like BURNT coffee.

10 . You know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon.

Doesn't everybody? Oh, and the best kind? Copper River. Worth the outrageous price every time.

11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Yakima, Issaquah, Oregon, Yakima and Willamette.

You mean squim, pu al up, ya kim a, iss a quah, o re gone, and wil a mette?

12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.

I don't. I grew up in Michigan.

13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, Korean and Thai food and people.

Food yes. People? Working on it.

14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark while only working eight-hour days.

Depressingly true.

15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.

A good idea where I am from too.

16. You are not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain,"
And "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers."

Or by completely understanding the distinction between the two.

17.You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.

Refreshingly, this is also true. Unlike Michigan, where you can have a summer day with a temperature of 89 and 90% humidity.

18. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of Mind.

Why not both?

19. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through

the cloud cover.

Mt. Ranier? That's easy. Only about 35 miles away. Mt. St. Helens is over the southern horizon, though.

20. You notice, "The mountain is out" when it is a pretty day and you
can actually see it.

What's freakier is when it is cloudy. You would never know Mt. Ranier is there. Really. It dominates the skyline here on a clear day and is completely concealed when the clouds are just right.

21. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but
still wear your hiking boots and parka.


22. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the
socks on.

Uh, no. Sorry.

23. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

Some people have.

24. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.

It doesn't rain hard enough to bother with an umbrella. Wear a hat, fer cryin out loud.

25. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.

Also untrue. I know exactly where my Ray Bans are. I paid too damn much for them to lose track. Besides, my eyes are too sensitive to light any more. I wear them while driving in the rain. 26. You measure distance in hours.

27. You often switch from "heat" to "a/c" in the same day.

No A/C, but I can identify.

28. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.

Hahahahahahahahahaha. NO. Last three Halloweens have been dry and COLD. I take the heirs to the local shopping mall, with all the other smart parents.

29. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk season (Fall).

As opposed to Michigan's seasons: Football, Hockey, Winter, bow season, rifle season, wet and muddy, hot and sticky, and construction.

30. You understood these jokes and will probably forward them

Or publish them on your blog.