To thine own self be true.

Easy words, hard to follow.

Really, it becomes very difficult when you and that person have not talked in many years. Its been an interesting journey. You'll note that I didn't say "Fun". There is a reason for that.

When I finally relented to the advice I was given last year about sitting down with a counselor, I had to confront the fact that I hadn't been myself for a long, long time. While I started to understand a lot of what I have been doing to damage myself for so many years, for reasons not entirely within my realm of control, I stopped going. That doesn't mean that I stopped my 'therapy', for lack of a better word. I stopped burying my emotions, even though I really didn't understand most of them. Instead I started to confront them.

This has been a big shift for those that know me. The person who might be visibly angry or happy is now (gasp) talking about a different emotion? There are feelings about feelings?

Seriously though, I have to say that it does make my day more difficult some days, when something happens or something is said, and I have to stop an consider it. Lately, most days are harder than others. The most difficult thing has been learning how much damage I did to others during my 'lost years'. When you are finally able to communicate in a healthy way and other people in your life no longer can, its a pretty bitter pill to swallow. More so as more circumstances are uncovered.

It does have its upside. I really am writing again. Something I haven't done for a very long time. I listen to music daily. I let myself experience that beauty mixed with other emotions. I think more clearly than I have for a long time, and I remember things. Good things. Bad things. The moments that end up making the sum total of who we really are. That part has been fun. Now it is about seeking balance. Wish me luck.